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fil-in-the-gap

I am a Filipina in the diaspora, born in the heady sixties, raised during the repressive Marcos regime, this blog is about living and loving in the belly of the beast.

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  • God-Talk over Margaritas

    Last night I hung out with people I feel safe drinking and talking with. What I learned having lived as long as I have is that drinking and talking can be a dangerous combo. There IS such a thing as TUI — talking under the influence — and people can get hurt, both physically, when Read more

  • A Death Moratorium

    In the last two years I’ve lost people I know, some more intimately than others. It had been difficult moving from grieving to feeling grateful to be alive and able to enjoy a birthday cake with my daughter or bond with my son while making a vegetarian meal. For awhile, there was not a day Read more

  • Writing Femme

    I wrote this piece for the 2008 Femme Conference that happened in Chicago, where I was invited to make a presentation. I recently found it on Dropbox while looking for old plays that I hope to revisit. It’s really interesting because I feel I have always had to justify or explain why I see myself Read more

  • Noemi

    Why do we love knowing the pain that comes?I pondered this as I listened and felt the ache of a broken-hearted friend. I remember pondering this in middle school. Twelve and besotted. A girl with curls and a mean spike. One that parts jerseys on the other side of the net. Noemi. She had a Read more

  • Reading tonight!! August 8, 7pm CST

    Please click on the link below! Please be mindful of your time zone 😜❤️ https://youtube.com/channel/UCjPamgCSAffKyPVUIPxUVhg Read more

  • Bus Ride

    Bus ride When I was little, members of my family would take me on these endless bus rides. Mostly my grandpa, or apo, as strangers and family alike called him. I remember how comforting, as if I am being cradled and rocked gently, sweetly by invisible arms. I’m not the kid who asked if we Read more

  • Midnight Rumination

    The promise of rain makes my body ache. Barometric drop. Barometric rise. Humidity that seeps into my skin and wraps my joints in a pin-studded elastic. It’s like a punishment each time. Trapped in a storybook nightmare with no one to nudge me out of my comic frame. Have you had those dreams? When you Read more

  • Dog Food

    Sometimes I want to mix in dog food with your food saute it in garlic and onion pour in eggs beaten in milk and cream cheese and voila! Gourmet dish fit for kings and queens who send cake thieves to the gallows Just a little, just a bit to teach you a lesson that mother Read more

  • Please take a day off and call your senators

    This just cannot go on Can’t keep apologizing for my meekness I want to stop looking over my Asian shoulders when I walk at night I can’t keep worrying about my friend when she’s a few minutes late from putting coins in the parking meter My Asian father who doesn’t like being called Asian He Read more

  • Happy International Women’s Day!

    On this day of reckoning, when women all over the world should be celebrated and uplifted, when we commemorate the sacrifices of the women who came and fought injustice before us, I just want to sleep! I’ve been alternating between studying and working and this entails, well, mostly reading. When I encounter text-heavy material with Read more